he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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