I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
