porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
