im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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