Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
