I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
