Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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