hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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