come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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