Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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