If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
