Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
