what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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