Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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