not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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