now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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