I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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