i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
