Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
