so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
