I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
