im drinking this country out of the recession.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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