the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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