yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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