I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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