The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
