I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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