Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
