remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm really busy with my period
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