I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this boner is exhausting
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
