dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
