I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
