Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
