i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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