I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
