I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
