so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
two words: eviction party
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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