true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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