This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
