Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
