my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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