Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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