don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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