I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
two words: eviction party
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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