Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
