So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She's the barista slut.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
