I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
