butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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