True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
