in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
