I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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