i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I love you.
Bad choice
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
