You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
