She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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