What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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