college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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