Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
