she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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