so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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