he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
