Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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