As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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