Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
