I wish I could punch you in the face.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
