8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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