Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
