I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
