i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
