remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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