Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
