You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
