9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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