it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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