I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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