Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
